quite a Circular Argument: Homosexuality, Pedophilia, and the Logic
of the Vatican
BBC Accuses Vatican of Calling Balls Round
The Square Balls
Quite a Circular Argument
reporting on Wednesday, 14 April 2010 and against all
convincing evidence that it was reporting from the planet Earth declared
in shock, dismay, and astonishment that:
Vatican's handling of child abuse allegations has been called into question,
following a senior cardinal's suggestion of a link between homosexuality
well, ... it literally takes balls to tell the truth
suggestion followed an equally astonishing allegation, made by the same
Cardinal, and on that very same day, no less, than there is strong evidence
suggesting that balls do not in fact have four equal sides
at four equal angles as many have now chosen to believe. In fact,
he further ventured, such a description appears to precisely coincide
with the geometric definition of the quadrilateral polygon at one time
called a square. It had traditionally been believed that
balls and circles are different from squares and rhombuses inasmuch
as they define an enclosed shape equidistant in all radii from a common
In addition to
the ludicrous allegations that priests who sexually abuse boys rather
than girls are homosexuals, several Vatican officials further alienated
themselves from the world of fiction by suggesting that the apparent
widespread occurrence of four-sided polygons in America and Europe have,
indeed, a very close relationship with rectangles. These suggestions
infuriated the homosexual communities in America, Europe and elsewhere
which responded by flatly denying as
any putative connection between homosexuals and older males who have
sexual relations with younger males, calling Wikipedia's Definition
of Homosexuality: as
romantic or sexual attraction or behavior among members of the same
a slap in the face to the Gay Community.
are outraged that the Catholic Church should implicate homosexuals with
this rampant state of affairs in which some priests of the male
persuasion seek to have sex with underage people also
of the male persuasion. There is no connection whatever, as
any enlightened individual of any persuasion or species would immediately
said Mr. Sheila Youngblood of AMBLA (American Man/Boy Love Association
), sipping a glass of pink lemonade, and dribbling a box after a vigorous
round of basketball, exasperated that he had been unable to get the
rubber box through the round hoop despite repeated efforts.
better at golf,
he wryly admitted, in an aside,
with a handicap of boxes smaller than the large holes.
Asked about the
equally outrageous statement that Vatican officials made in suggesting
that the link between homosexuality and pedophilia is somehow akin to
the relationship between roundness and balls, Sheila replied,
Galileo all over again. The Church meddling in things it knows nothing
about! Men who have sex with young males, rather than females,
are not homosexuals! They are just men who have sex with
young males rather than females! What don't they understand?
he asked incredulously.
Vatican officials have recently come under heavy criticism after publicly
responding to the accusations they made that there is a close connection
between things that appear to be balls and things that are circles.
Gay Community Organizers dismissed this as,
clinging to antiquated concepts.
I mean, these are the people who still talk about sin and the devil
... I mean, really!,
Queernation Spokespecies, Miss Ogynyc , retorted dismissively.
The BBC also noted
Good Friday, Fr Raniero Cantalamessa, preaching in St Peter's Basilica,
sparked tensions with Jews by quoting a letter from a Jewish friend
that suggested a comparison between the attacks against Pope Benedict
with anti-Semitic attacks on Jews.
In response, Mr. Wanda Wutzmygenda, Jewish author of
Gay Guide to Geometry and Other Absurdities" angrily stated that,
is no more virulently anti-Catholic than the Nazis were virulently anti-Semitic.
You might as well say that the shortest distance between two points
is a line!
looks like a ball ...
When asked for
his reasoning behind the allegation that priest-pedophiles are
homosexuals that is to say, men who wish to have sex with
other men, seek to have sex with other men, and in fact have sex with
other men ... or boys ... the Cardinal's response was decidedly
it looks like a ball, if it bounces like a ball, and if it rolls like
a ball ... it is probably a ball.
he replied. "And if a man desires to have sex with other men and boys,
makes arrangements to have sex with other men and boys, and has sex
with other men and boys ... he is probably a homosexual.
Vatican in the meanwhile is preparing a handbook that deals with the
allegations that priest offenders in the abuse scandals which involve
sex between older males and underage males is an issue
about homosexuality and depravity, as well as similar allegations
that balls are in some way related to circles.
We will continue
to report on this queer story as it emerges.
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