This Life
of Our Venerable Mother Mary of Egypt
was written down in the seventh century
by Saint Sophronius, Patriarch of Jerusalem, some hundred years
after the repose of the holy Mary, who fell asleep in the Lord April
1, 522. It is one of the most beautiful and edifying lives of a
saint. Its obvious and stated purpose is to glorify God and to feed
the souls of its readers. St. Sophronius lifts up the life of blessed
Mary as a most wondrous example of repentance for all the faithful.
Indeed, the Church has lifted up this life before all the faithful
on the Fifth Sunday of the Great Fast, the Sunday before Palm Sunday.
It is both a challenge and an inspiration to us. It shows us what
a human being is capable of when she works with the all-powerful
saving and forgiving grace of our all-loving God.
This life should not discourage us by the superhuman efforts of
glorious Mary; it should instead give us hope and the will to take
courage to begin our repentance. As we go along the compunctionate
path of repentance, God will give us the strength to go deeper and
deeper into our souls, opening our whole life to Him so that He
can heal, restore, and glorify it by uniting it to Himself. To Him
be the glory forever. Amen.
Pray to our venerable Mother Mary that she will not forsake us but
that she will bear with our weaknesses, even our lack of repentance,
and will always stand with us and uphold us with her holy prayers,
that she will always intercede for all those who honor her.
Father John Townsend, Rector
Saint Mary of Egypt
Atlanta, Georgia
“It
is good to hide the secret
of a king, but it is glorious to reveal and preach the works of
God” (Tobit 12:7). So said the Archangel Raphael to Tobit when he
performed the wonderful healing of his blindness. Actually, not
to keep the secret of a king is perilous and a terrible risk, but
to be silent about the works of God is a great loss for the soul.
And I (says St. Saphronius), in writing the life of St. Mary of
Egypt, am afraid to hide the works of God by silence. Remembering
the misfortune threatened to the servant who hid his God-given talent
in the earth (Mat. 25:18-25), I am bound to pass on the holy account
that has reached me. And let no one think (continues St. Saphronius)
that I have had the audacity to write untruth or doubt this great
marvel — may I never lie about holy things! If there do happen to
be people who, after reading this record, do not believe it, may
the Lord have mercy on them because, reflecting on the weakness
of human nature, they consider impossible these wonderful things
accomplished by holy people. But now we must begin to tell this
most amazing story, which has taken place in our generation.
Father Zosima and the Search for Sanctity
There
was a certain elder in one of the monasteries of Palestine, a priest
of the holy life and speech, who from childhood had been brought
up in monastic ways and customs. This elder's name was Zosima. He
had been through the whole course of the ascetic life and in everything
he adhered to the rule once given to him by his tutors as regard
spiritual labours. He had also added a good deal himself whilst
laboring to subject his flesh to the will of the spirit. And he
had not failed in his aim. He was so renowned for his spiritual
life that many came to him from neighboring monasteries and some
even from afar. While doing all this, he never ceased to study the
Divine Scriptures. Whether resting, standing, working or eating
food (if the scraps he nibbled could be called food), he incessantly
and constantly had a single aim: always to sing of God, and to practice
the teaching of the Divine Scriptures.
Zosima used to relate how, as soon as he was taken from his mother's
breast, he was handed over to the monastery where he went through
his training as an ascetic till he reached the age of 53. After
that, he began to be tormented with the thought that he was perfect
in everything and needed no instruction from anyone, saying to himself
mentally,
“Is there a monk on earth who can
be of use to me and show me a kind of asceticism that I have
not accomplished? Is there a man to be found in the desert who
has surpassed me?”
Thus thought the elder, when suddenly
an angel appeared to him and said:
“Zosima, valiantly have you struggled,
as far as this is within the power of man, valiantly have you
gone through the ascetic course. But there is no man who has
attained perfection. Before you lie unknown struggles greater
than those you have already accomplished. That you may know
how many other ways lead to salvation, leave your native land
like the renowned patriarch Abraham and go to the monastery
by the River Jordan.”
The Monastery on the Jordan
Zosima
did as he was told. He left the monastery in which he had lived
from childhood, and went to the River Jordan. At last he reached
the community to which God had sent him. Having knocked at the door
of the monastery, he told the monk who was the porter who he was;
and the porter told the abbot. On being admitted to the abbot's
presence, Zosima made the usual monastic prostration and prayer.
Seeing that he was a monk the abbot asked:
“Where do you come from, brother,
and why have you come to us poor old men?”
Zosima replied:
“There is no need to speak about
where I have come from, but I have come, father, seeking spiritual
profit, for I have heard great things about your skill in leading
souls to God.”
“Brother," the abbot said to him, "Only God can heal the infirmity
of the soul. May He teach you and us His divine ways and guide
us. But as it is the love of Christ that has moved you to visit
us poor old men, then stay with us, if that is why you have
come. May the Good Shepherd Who laid down His life for our salvation
fill us all with the grace of the Holy Spirit.”
After this, Zosima bowed to the abbot,
asked for his prayers and blessing, and stayed in the monastery.
There he saw elders proficient both in action and the contemplation
of God, aflame in spirit, working for the Lord. They sang incessantly,
they stood in prayer all night, work was ever in their hands and
psalms on their lips. Never an idle word was heard among them, they
know nothing about acquiring temporal goods or the cares of life.
But they had one desire — to become in body like corpses. Their
constant food was the Word of God, and they sustained their bodies
on bread and water, as much as their love for God allowed them.
Seeing this, Zosima was greatly edified and prepared for the struggle
that lay before him.
Many days passed and the time drew near when all Christians fast
and prepare themselves to worship the Divine Passion and Resurrection
of Christ. The monastery gates were kept always locked and only
opened when one of the community was sent out on some errand. It
was a desert place, not only unvisited by people of the world but
even unknown to them. There was a rule in that monastery which was
the reason why God brought Zosima there. At the beginning of the
Great Fast [on Forgiveness Sunday] the priest celebrated the holy
Liturgy and all partook of the holy body and blood of Christ. After
the Liturgy they went to the refectory and would eat a little Lenten
food. Then all gathered in church and after praying earnestly with
prostrations, the elders kissed one another and asked forgiveness.
And each made a prostration to the abbot and asked his blessing
and prayers for the struggle that lay before them.
After this, the gates of the monastery were thrown open, and singing,
"The Lord is my light and my Savior; whom
shall I fear? The Lord is the defender of my life; of whom shall
I be afraid?” (Psalm 26:1) and the rest of that psalm, all
went out into the desert and crossed the River Jordan. Only one
or two brothers were left in the monastery, not to guard the property
(for there was nothing to rob), but so as not to leave the church
without Divine Service. Each took with him as much as he could or
wanted in the way of food, according to the needs of his body: one
would take a little bread, another some figs, another dates or wheat
soaked in water. And some took nothing but their own body covered
with rags and fed when nature forced them to it on the plants that
grew in the desert. After crossing the Jordan, they all scattered
far and wide in different directions. And this was the rule of life
they had, and which they all observed — neither to talk to one another,
nor to know how each one lived and fasted. If they did happen to
catch sight of one another, they went to another part of the country,
living alone and always singing to God, and at a definite time eating
a very small quantity of food.
In this way they spent the whole of the fast and used to return
to the monastery a week before the Resurrection of Christ, on Palm
Sunday. Each one returned having his own conscience as the witness
of his labour, and no one asked another how he had spent his time
in the desert. Such were rules of the monastery. Every one of them
whilst in the desert struggled with himself before the Judge of
the struggle — God — not seeking to please men and fast before the
eyes of all. For what is done for the sake of men, to win praise
and honor, is not only useless to the one who does it but sometimes
the cause of great punishment.
Father Zosima meets Saint Mary in the Desert
Zosima
did the same as all. And he went far, far into the desert with a
secret hope of finding some father who might be living there and
who might be able to satisfy his thirst and longing. And he wandered
on tireless, as if hurrying on to some definite place. He had already
walked for 20 days and when the 6th hour came he stopped and, turning
to the East, he began to sing the sixth Hour and recite the customary
prayers. He used to break his journey thus at fixed hours of the
day to rest a little, to chant psalms standing and to pray on bent
knees. And as he sang thus without turning his eyes from the heavens,
he suddenly saw to the right of the hillock on which he stood the
semblance of a human body. At first he was confused thinking he
beheld a vision of the devil, and even started with fear. But, having
guarded himself with the sign of the Cross and banished all fear,
he turned his gaze in that direction and in truth saw some form
gliding southwards. It was naked, the skin dark as if burned up
by the heat of the sun; the hair on its head was white as a fleece,
and not long, falling just below its neck. Zosima was so overjoyed
at beholding a human form that he ran after it in pursuit, but the
form fled from him. He followed. At length, when he was near enough
to be heard, he shouted:
“Why do you run from an old man
and a sinner? Slave of the True God, wait for me, whoever you
are, in God's name I tell you, for the love of God for Whose
sake you are living in the desert.”
“Forgive me for God's sake, but I cannot turn towards you and
show you my face, Abba Zosima. For I am a woman and naked, as
you see, with the uncovered shame of my body. But if you would
like to fulfill one wish of a sinful woman, throw me your cloak
so that I can cover my body and can turn to you and ask for
your blessing.”
Here terror seized Zosima, for he heard
that she called him by name. But he realized that she could not
have done so without knowing anything of him if she had not had
the power of spiritual insight. He at once did as he was asked.
He took off his old, tattered cloak and threw it to her, turning
away as he did so. She picked it up and was able to cover at least
a part of her body.
A Sinful Woman
Then
she turned to Zosima and said:
“Why did you wish, Abba Zosima,
to see a sinful woman? What do you wish to hear or learn from
me, you who have not shrunk from such great struggles?”
Zosima threw himself on the ground
and asked for her blessing. She likewise bowed down before him.
And thus they lay on the ground prostrate asking for each other's
blessing. And one word alone could be heard from both:
“Bless me!”
After a long while the woman said to
Zosima:
“Abba
Zosima, it is you who must give blessing and pray. You are dignified
by the order of priesthood and for many years you have been
standing before the holy altar and offering the sacrifice of
the Divine Mysteries.”
This flung Zosima into even greater
terror. At length with tears he said to her:
“O mother, filled with the spirit,
by your mode of life it is evident that you live with God and
have died to the world. The Grace granted to you is apparent
— for you have called me by name and recognized that I am a
priest, though you have never seen me before. Grace is recognized
not by one's orders, but by gifts of the Spirit, so give me
your blessing for God's sake, for I need your prayers.”
Then giving way before the wish of
the elder the woman said:
“Blessed is God Who cares for the
salvation of men and their souls.”
Zosima answered:
“Amen.”
And both rose to their feet. Then the
woman asked the elder:
“Why have you come, man of God,
to me who am so sinful? Why do you wish to see a woman naked
and devoid of every virtue? Though I know one thing — the Grace
of the Holy Spirit has brought you to render me a service in
time. Tell me, father, how are the Christian peoples living?
And the kings? How is the Church guided?”
Zosima said:
“By your prayers, mother, Christ
has granted lasting peace to all. But fulfill the unworthy petition
of an old man and pray for the whole world and for me who am
a sinner, so that my wanderings in the desert may not be fruitless.”
She answered:
“You who are a priest, Abba Zosima,
it is you who must pray for me and for all — for this is your
calling. But as we must all be obedient, I will gladly do what
you ask.”
And with these words she turned to
the East, and raising her eyes to heaven and stretching out her
hands, she began to pray in a whisper.
One could not hear separate words, so that Zosima could not understand
anything that she said in her prayers. Meanwhile he stood, according
to his own word, all in a flutter, looking at the ground without
saying a word. And he swore, calling God to witness, that when at
length he thought that her prayer was very long, he took his eyes
off the ground and saw that she was raised about a forearm's distance
from the ground and stood praying in the air. When he saw this,
even greater terror seized him and he fell on the ground weeping
and repeating may times,
“Lord have mercy.”
And whilst lying prostrate on the ground
he was tempted by a thought: Is it not a spirit and perhaps her
prayer is hypocrisy. But at the very same moment the woman turned
round, raised the elder from the ground and said:
“Thoughts, tempting you about me,
trouble you, Abba, telling you I am a spirit, and that my prayer
is feigned? Know, holy father, that I am only a sinful woman,
though I am guarded by Holy baptism. And I am no spirit but
earth and ashes, and flesh alone.”
And with these words she guarded herself
with the sign of the Cross on her forehead, eyes, mouth and breast,
saying:
“May God defend us from the evil
one and from his designs, for fierce is his struggle against
us.”
Hearing and seeing this, the elder
fell to the ground and, embracing her feet, he said with tears:
“I beg you, by the Name of Christ
our God, Who was born of a Virgin, for Whose sake you have stripped
yourself, for Whose sake you have exhausted your flesh, do not
hide from your slave, who you are and whence and how you came
into this desert. Tell me everything so that the marvelous works
of God may become known. A hidden wisdom and a secret treasure
— what profit is there in them? Tell me all, I implore you.
For not out of vanity or for self-display will you speak but
to reveal the truth to me, an unworthy sinner. I believe in
God, for whom you live and whom you serve. I believe that He
led me into this desert so as to show me His ways in regard
to you. It is not in our power to resist the plans of God. If
it were not the will of God that you and you r life would be
known, He would not have allowed be to see you and would not
have strengthened me to undertake this journey, one like me
who never before dared to leave his cell.”
Saint Mary describes her Sinful Life of Lust and Debauchery to Father
Zosima
Much
more said Abba Zosima. But the woman raised him and said:
“I am ashamed, Abba, to speak to
you of my disgraceful life, forgive me for God's sake! But as
you have already seen my naked body I shall likewise lay bare
before you my work, so that you may know with what shame and
obscenity my soul is filled. I was not running away out of vanity,
as you thought, for what have I to be proud of — I who was the
chosen vessel of the devil? But when I start my story you will
run from me, as from a snake, for your ears will not be able
to bear the vileness of my actions. But I shall tell you all
without hiding anything, only imploring you first of all to
pray incessantly for me, so that I may find mercy on the day
of Judgment.”
The elder wept and the woman began
her story.
“My native land, holy father, was
Egypt. Already during the lifetime of my parents, when I was
twelve years old, I renounced their love and went to Alexandria.
I am ashamed to recall how there I at first ruined my maidenhood
and then unrestrainedly and insatiably gave myself up to sensuality
It is more becoming to speak of this briefly, so that you may
just know my passion and my lechery. For about seventeen years,
forgive me, I lived like that. I was like a fire of public debauch.
And it was not for the sake of gain — here I speak the pure
truth. Often when they wished to pay me, I refused the money.
I acted in this way so as to make as many men as possible to
try to obtain me, doing free of charge what gave me pleasure.
Do not think that I was rich and that was the reason why I did
not take money. I lived by begging, often by spinning flax,
but I had an insatiable desire and an irrepressible passion
for lying in filth. This was life to me. Every kind of abuse
of nature I regarded as life. That is how I lived. Then one
summer I saw a large crowd of Libyans and Egyptians running
towards the sea. I asked one of them, `Where are these men hurrying
to?' He replied, `They are all going to Jerusalem for the Exaltation
of the Precious and Life-giving Cross, which takes place in
a few days.' I said to him, `Will they take me with them if
I wish to go?' `No one will hinder you if you have money to
pay for the journey and for food.' And I said to him, `To tell
you truth, I have no money, neither have I food. But I shall
go with them and shall go aboard. And they shall feed me, whether
they want to or not. I have a body — they shall take it instead
of pay for the journey'; I was suddenly filled with a desire
to go, Abba, to have more lovers who could satisfy my passion.
I told you, Abba Zosima, not to force me to tell you of my disgrace.
God is my witness, I am afraid of defiling you and the very
air with my words.”
Zosima, weeping, replied to her:
“Speak on for God's sake, mother,
speak and do not break the thread of such an edifying tale.”
And, resuming her story, she went on:
“That youth, on hearing my shameless
words, laughed and went off. While I, throwing away my spinning
wheel, ran off towards the sea in the direction which everyone
seemed to be taking. And, seeing some young men standing on
the shore, about ten or more of them, full of vigor and alert
in their movements, I decided that they would do for my purpose
(it seemed that some of them were waiting for more travelers
whilst others had gone ashore). Shamelessly, as usual, I mixed
with the crowd, saying, `Take me with you to the place you are
going to; you will not find me superfluous.' I also added a
few more words calling forth general laughter. Seeing my readiness
to be shameless, they readily took me aboard the boat. Those
who were expected came also, and we set sail at once. How shall
I relate to you what happened after this? Whose tongue can tell,
whose ears can take in all that took place on the boat during
that voyage! And to all this I frequently forced those miserable
youths even against their own will. There is no mentionable
or unmentionable depravity of which I was not their teacher.
I am amazed, Abba, how the sea stood our licentiousness, how
the earth did not open its jaws, and how it was that hell did
not swallow me alive, when I had entangled in my net so many
souls. But I think God was seeking my repentance. For He does
not desire the death of a sinner but magnanimously awaits his
return to Him.
At last we arrived in Jerusalem. I spent the days before the
festival in the town, living the save kind of life, perhaps
even worse. I was not content with the youths I had seduced
at sea and who had helped be to get to Jerusalem; many others
— citizens of the town and foreigners — I also seduced. The
holy day of the Exaltation of the Cross dawned while I was still
flying about — hunting for youths. At daybreak I saw that everyone
was hurrying to the church, so I ran with the rest. When the
hour for the holy elevation approached, I was trying to make
my way in with the crowd which was struggling to get through
the church doors.”
The Force at the Doors of the Church
“I
had at last squeezed through with great difficulty almost to
the entrance of the temple, from which the life-giving Tree
of the Cross was being shown to the people. But when I trod
on the doorstep which everyone passed, I was stopped by some
force which prevented by entering. Meanwhile I was brushed aside
by the crowd and found myself standing alone in the porch. Thinking
that this had happened because of my woman's weakness, I again
began to work my way into the crowd, trying to elbow myself
forward. But in vain I struggled. Again my feet trod on the
doorstep over which others were entering the church without
encountering any obstacle. I alone seemed to remain unaccepted
by the church. It was as if there was a detachment of soldiers
standing there to oppose my entrance. Once again I was excluded
by the same mighty force and again I stood in the porch. Having
repeated my attempt three or four times, at last I felt exhausted
and had no more strength to push and to be punched, so I went
aside and stood in a corner of the porch. And only then with
great difficulty it began to dawn on me, and I began to understand
the reason why I was prevented from being admitted to see the
life-giving Cross. The word of salvation gently touched the
eyes of my heart and revealed to me that it was my unclean life
which barred the entrance to me. I began to weep and lament
and beat my breast, and to sigh from the depths of my heart.”
Mary Repents
“And
so I stood weeping when I saw above me the icon of the most
holy Mother of God. Not taking my eyes off her, I said, `O Lady,
Mother of God, who gave birth in the flesh to God the Word,
I know, O how well I know, that it is no honor or praise to
thee when one so impure and depraved as I look up to thy icon,
O ever-virgin, who didst keep thy body and soul in purity. Rightly
do I inspire hatred and disgust before thy virginal purity.
But I have heard that God Who was born of thee became man on
purpose to call sinners to repentance. Then help me, for I have
no other help. Order the entrance of the church to be opened
to me. Allow me to see the venerable Tree on which He Who was
born of thee suffered in the flesh and on which He shed His
holy Blood for the redemption of sinners an for me, unworthy
as I am. Be my faithful witness before thy son that I will never
again defile my body by the impurity of fornication, but as
soon as I have seen the Tree of the Cross I will renounce the
world and its temptations and will go wherever thou wilt lead
me.”
Thus I spoke and as if acquiring some hope in firm faith and
feeling some confidence in the mercy of the Mother of God, I
left the place where I stood praying. And I went again and mingled
with the crowd that was pushing its way into the temple. And
no one seemed to thwart me, no one hindered my entering the
church. I was possessed with trembling, and was almost in delirium.
“Having got as far as the doors which I could not reach before
— as if the same force which had hindered me cleared the way
for me — I now entered without difficulty and found myself within
the holy place. And so it was I saw the life-giving Cross. I
saw too the Mysteries of God and how the Lord accepts repentance.
Throwing myself on the ground, I worshipped that holy earth
and kissed it with trembling. Then I came out of the church
and went to her who had promised to be my security, to the place
where I had sealed my vow. And bending my knees before the Virgin
Mother of God, I addressed her with these words:
‘O loving Lady, thou hast shown
me thy great love for all men. Glory to God Who receives
the repentance of sinners through thee. What more can I
recollect or say, I who am so sinful? It is time for me,
O Lady to fulfill my vow, according to thy witness. Now
lead me by the hand along the path of repentance!’ ”
And at these words I heard a voice
from on high:
‘If you cross the Jordan you
will find glorious rest.’
Hearing this voice and having faith
that it was for me, I cried to the Mother of God:
‘O Lady, Lady, do not forsake
me!’
With these words I left the porch
of the church and set off on my journey.
Three Loaves of Bread
“As
I was leaving the church a stranger glanced at me and gave me
three coins, saying:
‘Sister, take these.’
And, taking the money, I bought
three loaves and took them with me on my journey, as a blessed
gift. I asked the person who sold the bread:
‘Which is the way to the Jordan?’
“I was directed to the city gate
which led that way. Running on I passed the gates and still
weeping went on my journey. Those I met I asked the way, and
after walking for the rest of that day (I think it was nine
o'clock when I saw the Cross) I at length reached at sunset
the Church of St. John the Baptist which stood on the banks
of the Jordan. After praying in the temple, I went down to the
Jordan and rinsed my face and hands in its holy waters. I partook
of the holy and life-giving Mysteries in the Church of the Forerunner
and ate half of one of my loaves. Then, after drinking some
water from Jordan, I lay down and passed the night on the ground.
In the morning I found a small boat and crossed to the opposite
bank. I again prayed to Our Lady to lead me whither she wished.
Then I found myself in this desert and since then up to this
very day I am estranged from all, keeping away from people and
running away from everyone. And I live here clinging to my God
Who saves all who turn to Him from faintheartedness and storms.”
Zosima asked her:
“How many years have gone by
since you began to live in this desert?”
She replied:
“Forty-seven years have already
gone by, I think, since I left the holy city.”
Zosima asked:
“But what food do you find?”
The woman said:
“I had two and a half loaves
when I crossed the Jordan. Soon they dried up and became
hard as rock. Eating a little I gradually finished them
after a few years.”
Zosima asked,
“Can it be that without getting
ill you have lived so many years thus, without suffering
in any way from such a complete change?”
The woman answered:
“You remind me, Zosima, of
what I dare not speak of. For when I recall all the dangers
which I overcame, and all the violent thoughts which confused
me, I am again afraid that they will take possession of
me.”
Zosima said:
“Do not hide anything from
me; speak to me without concealing anything.”
Temptation in the Desert —for 17 years
She
said to him:
“Believe me, Abba, seventeen
years I passed in this desert fighting wild beasts — mad
desires and passions. When I was about to partake of food,
I used to begin to regret the meat and fish of which I had
so much in Egypt. I regretted also not having wine which
I loved so much, for I drank a lot of wine when I lived
in the world, while here I had not even water. I used to
burn and succumb with thirst. The mad desire for profligate
songs also entered me and confused me greatly, edging me
on to sing satanic songs which I had learned once. But when
such desires entered me I struck myself on the breast and
reminded myself of the vow which I had made, when going
into the desert. In my thoughts I returned to the icon of
the Mother of God which had received me and to her I cried
in prayer. I implored her to chase away the thoughts to
which my miserable soul was succumbing. And after weeping
for long and beating my breast I used to see light at last
which seemed to shine on me from everywhere. And after the
violent storm, lasting calm descended.
“And how shall I tell you, O Abba, of the thoughts that
pushed me towards lust once more? A fire was kindled in
my miserable heart which seemed to burn me up completely
and to awake in me a thirst for embraces. As soon as this
craving came to me, I flung myself on the earth and watered
it with my tears, as if I saw before me my witness, who
had appeared to me in my disobedience, and who seemed to
threaten punishment for the crime. And I did not rise from
the ground (sometimes I lay thus prostrate for a day and
a night) until a calm and sweet light descended and enlightened
me and chased away the thoughts that possessed me. But always
I turned to the eyes of my mind to my Protectress, asking
her to extend help to one who was sinking fast in the waves
of the desert. And I always had her as my Helper and the
Accepter of my repentance. And thus I lived for seventeen
years amid constant dangers. And since then even till now
the Mother of God helps me in everything and leads me as
it were by the hand.”
“Not by Bread Alone”
Zosima
asked:
“Can it be that you did not need
food and clothing?”
She answered:
"After finishing the loaves I had,
of which I spoke, for seventeen years I have fed on herbs and
all that can be found in the desert. The clothes I had when
I crossed the Jordan became torn and worn out. I suffered greatly
from the cold and greatly from the extreme heat. At times the
sun burned me up and at other times I shivered from the frost,
and frequently falling to the ground I lay without breath and
without motion. I struggled with many afflictions and with terrible
temptations. But from that time till now the power of God in
numerous ways had guarded my sinful soul and my humble body.
When I only reflect on the evils from which Our Lord has delivered
me I have imperishable food for hope o of salvation. I am fed
and clothed by the all-powerful Word of God, the Lord of all.
For it is not by bread alone that man lives. And those who have
stripped off the rags of sin have no refuge, hiding themselves
in the clefts of the rocks (Job 24; Heb. 11:38)."
Hearing that she cited words Scripture,
from Moses and Job, Zosima asked her:
“And so you have read the psalms
and other books?”
She smiled at this and said to the
elder:
“Believe me, I have not seen a
human face ever since I crossed the Jordan, except yours today.
I have not seen a beast or a living being ever since I came
into the desert. I never learned from books. I have never even
heard anyone who sang and read from them. But the word of God
which is alive and active, by itself teaches a man knowledge.
And so this is the end of my tale. But, as I asked you in the
beginning, so even now I implore you for the sake of the Incarnate
word of God, to pray to the Lord for me who am such a sinner.”
The Bread of Life — a Request and a Promise
Thus
concluding her tale she bowed down before him. And with tears the
elder exclaimed:
“Blessed is God Who creates the
great and wondrous, the glorious and marvelous without end.
Blessed is God Who has shown me how He rewards those who fear
Him. Truly, O Lord, Thou dost not forsake those who seek Thee!”
And the woman, not allowing the elder
to bow down before her, said:
“I beg you, holy father, for the
sake of Jesus Christ our God and Savior, tell no one what you
have heard, until God delivers me of this earth. And now depart
in peace and again next year you shall see me, and I you, if
God will preserve us in His great mercy. But for God's sake,
do as I ask you. Next year during Lent do not cross the Jordan,
as is your custom in the monastery.”
Zosima was amazed to hear that she
knew the rules of the monastery and could only say:
“Glory to God Who bestows great
gifts on those who love Him.”
She continued:
“Remain, Abba, in the monastery.
And even if you wish to depart, you will not be to do so. And
at sunset of the holy day of the Last super, put some of the
life-giving Body and Blood of Christ into a holy vessel worthy
to hold such Mysteries for me, and bring it. And wait for me
on the banks of the Jordan adjoining the inhabited parts of
the land, so that I can come and partake of the life-giving
Gifts. For, since the time I communicated in the temple of the
Forerunner before crossing the Jordan even to this day I have
not approached the Holy Mysteries. And I thirst for them with
irrepressible love and longing. And therefore I ask and implore
you to grant me my wish, bring me the life-giving Mysteries
at the very hour when Our Lord made His disciples partake of
His Divine Supper. Tell John the Abbot of the monastery where
you live. Look to yourself and to your brothers, for there is
much that needs correction. Only do not say this now, but when
God guides you. Pray for me!”
With these words she vanished in the
depths of the desert. And Zosima, falling down on his knees and
bowing down to the ground on which she had stood, sent up glory
and thanks to God. And, after wandering through the desert, he returned
to the monastery on the day all the brothers returned.
For the whole year he kept silent, not daring to tell anyone of
what he had seen. To himself he prayed God to show him again the
face that he desired. He tormented himself and worried himself to
pieces, imagining to himself how long a year is and wanting, if
possible, that the year be shortened into one single day. And when
at length the first Sunday of the Great Fast came, all went out
into the desert with the customary prayers and the singing of psalms.
Only Zosima was held back by illness — he lay in a fever. And then
he remembered what the saint had said to him: "and even if you wish
to depart, you will not be able to do so.”
Saint Mary Walks over the River Jordan
Many
days passed and at last recovering from his illness he remained
in the monastery. And when attain the monks returned and the day
of the Last Supper dawned, he did as he had been ordered. and placing
some of the most pure Body and Blood into a small chalice and putting
some figs and dates and lentils soaked in water into a small basket,
he departed for the desert and reached the banks of the Jordan and
sat down to wait for the saint. He waited for a long while and then
began to doubt. Then raising his eyes to heaven, he began to pray:
“Grant me O Lord, to behold that
which Thou hast allowed be to behold once. Do not let me depart
in vain, being the burden of my sins.”
And then another thought struck him:
“And what if she does come? There
is no boat; how will she cross the Jordan to come to me who
am so unworthy?”
And as he was pondering thus he saw
the holy woman appear and stand on the other side of the river.
Zosima got up rejoicing and glorifying and thanking God. And again
the thought came to him that she could not cross the Jordan. Then
he saw that she made the sign of the Cross over the waters of the
Jordan (and the night was a moonlight one, as he related afterwards)
and then she at once stepped on to the waters and began walking
across the surface towards him. And when he wanted to prostrate
himself, she cried to him while still walking on the water:
“What are you doing, Abba, you
are a priest and carrying the divine Gifts!”
He obeyed her and on reaching the shore
she said to the elder:
“Bless, father, bless me!”
He answered her trembling, for a state
of confusion had overcome him at the sight of the miracle:
“Truly God did not lie when He
promised that when we purify ourselves we shall be like Him.
Glory to Thee, Christ our God, Who has shown me through this
thy slave how far away I stand from perfection.”
Here the woman asked him to say the
Creed and our Father. He began, she finished the prayer and according
to the custom of that time gave him the kiss of peace on the lips.
Having partaken of the Holy Mysteries, she raised her hands to heaven
and sighed with tears in her eyes, exclaiming:
“Now lettest
Thou Thy servant depart in peace, O Lord, according to Thy word;
for my eyes have seen Thy salvation.”
(Luke 2.29-30)
One More Wish
Then
she said to the elder:
“Forgive me, Abba, for asking you,
but fulfil another wish of mine. Go now to the monastery and
let God's grace guard you. And next year come again to the same
place where I first met you. Come for God's sake, for you shall
again see me, for such is the will of God.”
He said to her:
“From this day on I would like
to follow you and always see your holy face. But now fulfil
the one and only wish of an old man and take a little of the
food I have brought for you.”
And he showed her the basket, while
she just touched the lentils with the tips of her fingers, and taking
three grains said that the Holy Spirit guards the substance of the
soul unpolluted. Then she said:
“Pray, for God's sake pray for
me and remember a miserable wretch.”
Touching the saint's feet and asking
for her prayers for the Church, the kingdom and himself, he let
her depart with tears, while he went off sighing and sorrowful,
for he could not hope to vanquish the invincible. Meanwhile she
again made the sign of the Cross over the Jordan, and stepped on
to the waters and crossed over as before. And the elder returned
filled with joy and terror, accusing himself of not having asked
the saint her name. But he decided to do so next year.
And when another year had passed, he again went into the desert.
He reached the same spot but could see no sign of anyone.
The Death of Saint Mary
So raising
his eyes to heaven as before, he prayed:
“Show me, O Lord, Thy pure treasure,
which Thou hast concealed in the desert. Show me, I pray Thee,
the angel in the flesh, of which the world is not worthy.”
Then on the opposite bank of the river,
her face turned towards the rising sun, he saw the saint lying dead.
Her hands were crossed according to custom and her face was turned
to the East. Running up he shed tears over the saint's feet and
kissed them, not daring to touch anything else. For a long time
he wept. Then reciting the appointed psalms, he said the burial
prayers and thought to himself:
“Must I bury the body of a saint?
Or will this be contrary to her wishes?”
And then he saw words traced on the
ground by her head:
“Abba Zosima, bury on this spot
the body of humble Mary. Return to dust that which is dust and
pray to the Lord for me, who departed in the month of Fermoutin
of Egypt, called April by the Romans, on the first day, on the
very night of our Lord's Passion, after having partaken of the
Divine Mysteries.”
Reading this the elder was glad to
know the saint's name. He understood too that as soon as she had
partaken of the Divine Mysteries on the shore of the Jordan she
was at once transported to the place where she died. The distance
which Zosima had taken twenty days to cover, Mary had evidently
traversed in an hour and had at once surrendered her soul to God.
The Lion and the Lamb
Then
Zosima thought:
“It is time to do as she wished.
But how am I to dig a grave with nothing in my hands?”
And then he saw nearby a small piece
of wood left by some traveler in the desert. Picking it up he began
to dig the ground. But the earth was hard and dry and did not yield
to the efforts of the elder. He grew tired and covered with sweat.
He sighed from the depths of his soul and lifting up his eyes he
saw a big lion standing close to the saint's body and licking her
feet. At the sight of the lion he trembled with fear, especially
when he called to mind Mary's words that she had never seen wild
beasts in the desert. But guarding himself with the Sign of the
Cross, the thought came to him that the power of the one lying there
would protect him and keep him unharmed. Meanwhile the lion drew
nearer to him, expressing affection by every movement. Zosima said
to the lion:
“The Great One ordered that her
body was to be buried. But I am old and have not the strength
to dig the grave (for I have no spade and it would take too
long to go and get one), so can you carry out the work with
your claws? Then we can commit to the earth the mortal temple
of the saint.”
While he was still speaking the lion
with his front paws began to dig a hole deep enough to bury the
body.
The Burial of Saint Mary
Again
the elder washed the feet of the saint with his tears and calling
on her to pray for all, covered the body with earth in the presence
of the lion. It was as it had been, naked and uncovered by anything
but the tattered cloak which had been given to her by Zosima and
with which Mary, turning away, had managed to cover part of her
body. Then both departed. The lion went off into the depth of the
desert like a lamb, while Zosima returned to the monastery glorifying
and blessing Christ our Lord.
And on reaching the monastery he told all the brothers about everything,
and all marveled on hearing of God's miracles. And with fear and
love they kept the memory of the saint. Abbot John, as St. Mary
had previously told Abba Zosima, found a number of things wrong
in the monastery and got rid of them with God's help. And Saint
Zosima died in the same monastery, almost attaining the age of a
hundred, and passed to eternal life.
The monks kept this story without writing it down and passed it
on by word of mouth to one another. But I (adds Sophronius) as soon
as I heard it, wrote it down. Perhaps someone else, better informed,
has already written the life of the Saint, but as far as I could,
I have recorded everything, putting truth above all else. May God
Who works amazing miracles and generously bestows gifts on those
who turn to Him with faith, reward those who seek light for themselves
in this story, who hear, read and are zealous to write it, and may
He grant them the lot of blessed Mary together with all who at different
times have pleased God by their pious thoughts and labors. And let
us also give glory to God, the eternal King, that He may grant us
too His mercy in the day of judgment for the sake of Jesus Christ
our Lord, to Whom belongs all glory, honor, dominion and adoration
with the Eternal Father and the Most Holy and Life-giving Spirit,
now and always, and through all ages. Amen.
The End and Glory
Be to God
________________________________________
Troparion, tone 8
In thee, O Mother, was exactly
preserved what was according to the divine image. For thou didst
take the cross and follow Christ, and by thy life, didst teach us
to ignore the flesh, since it is transitory, but to care for the
soul as an immortal thing. Therefore, thy spirit, St. Mary, rejoices
with the Angels.
Kontakion, tone 4
Having escaped the fog of
sin, and having illumined thy heart with the light of penitence,
O glorious one, thou didst come to Christ and didst offer to Him
His immaculate and holy Mother as a merciful intercessor. Hence
thou hast found remission of transgressions, and with the Angels
thou dost ever rejoice.
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