This Life of Our Venerable
Mother Mary of Egypt was written down
in the seventh century by Saint Sophronius, Patriarch of Jerusalem,
some hundred years after the repose of the holy Mary, who fell asleep
in the Lord April 1, 522. It is one of the most beautiful and edifying
lives of a saint. Its obvious and stated purpose is to glorify God
and to feed the souls of its readers. St. Sophronius lifts up the
life of blessed Mary as a most wondrous example of repentance for
all the faithful. Indeed, the Church has lifted up this life before
all the faithful on the Fifth Sunday of the Great Fast, the Sunday
before Palm Sunday. It is both a challenge and an inspiration to
us. It shows us what a human being is capable of when she works
with the all-powerful saving and forgiving grace of our all-loving
God.
This life should not discourage us by the superhuman efforts of
glorious Mary; it should instead give us hope and the will to take
courage to begin our repentance. As we go along the compunctionate
path of repentance, God will give us the strength to go deeper and
deeper into our souls, opening our whole life to Him so that He
can heal, restore, and glorify it by uniting it to Himself. To Him
be the glory forever. Amen.
Pray to our venerable Mother Mary that she will not forsake us but
that she will bear with our weaknesses, even our lack of repentance,
and will always stand with us and uphold us with her holy prayers,
that she will always intercede for all those who honor her.
Father John Townsend, Rector
Saint Mary of Egypt
Atlanta, Georgia
“It is good
to hide the secret of a king, but it is glorious to reveal and preach
the works of God" (Tobit 12:7). So said the Archangel Raphael to
Tobit when he performed the wonderful healing of his blindness.
Actually, not to keep the secret of a king is perilous and a terrible
risk, but to be silent about the works of God is a great loss for
the soul. And I (says St. Saphronius), in writing the life of St.
Mary of Egypt, am afraid to hide the works of God by silence. Remembering
the misfortune threatened to the servant who hid his God-given talent
in the earth (Mat. 25:18-25), I am bound to pass on the holy account
that has reached me. And let no one think (continues St. Saphronius)
that I have had the audacity to write untruth or doubt this great
marvel — may I never lie about holy things! If there do happen to
be people who, after reading this record, do not believe it, may
the Lord have mercy on them because, reflecting on the weakness
of human nature, they consider impossible these wonderful things
accomplished by holy people. But now we must begin to tell this
most amazing story, which has taken place in our generation.
Father Zosima and the Search for Sanctity
There was a certain elder in one of the monasteries
of Palestine, a priest of the holy life and speech, who from childhood
had been brought up in monastic ways and customs. This elder's name
was Zosima. He had been through the whole course of the ascetic
life and in everything he adhered to the rule once given to him
by his tutors as regard spiritual labours. He had also added a good
deal himself whilst laboring to subject his flesh to the will of
the spirit. And he had not failed in his aim. He was so renowned
for his spiritual life that many came to him from neighboring monasteries
and some even from afar. While doing all this, he never ceased to
study the Divine Scriptures. Whether resting, standing, working
or eating food (if the scraps he nibbled could be called food),
he incessantly and constantly had a single aim: always to sing of
God, and to practice the teaching of the Divine Scriptures.
Zosima used to relate how, as soon as he was taken from his mother's
breast, he was handed over to the monastery where he went through
his training as an ascetic till he reached the age of 53. After
that, he began to be tormented with the thought that he was perfect
in everything and needed no instruction from anyone, saying to himself
mentally,
“Is there a monk on earth who can be of use to me and
show me a kind of asceticism that I have not accomplished?
Is there a man to be found in the desert who has surpassed
me?”
Thus thought the elder, when suddenly an angel appeared to him
and said:
“Zosima, valiantly have you struggled, as far as this is
within the power of man, valiantly have you gone through the
ascetic course. But there is no man who has attained
perfection. Before you lie unknown struggles greater than
those you have already accomplished. That you may know how
many other ways lead to salvation, leave your native land
like the renowned patriarch Abraham and go to the monastery
by the River Jordan.”
The Monastery on the Jordan
Zosima did as he was told. He left the monastery
in which he had lived from childhood, and went to the River Jordan.
At last he reached the community to which God had sent him. Having
knocked at the door of the monastery, he told the monk who was the
porter who he was; and the porter told the abbot. On being admitted
to the abbot's presence, Zosima made the usual monastic prostration
and prayer. Seeing that he was a monk the abbot asked:
“Where do you come from, brother, and why have you come
to us poor old men?”
Zosima replied:
“There is no need to speak about where I have come from,
but I have come, father, seeking spiritual profit, for I
have heard great things about your skill in leading souls to
God.”
“Brother," the abbot said to him, "Only God can heal the
infirmity of the soul. May He teach you and us His divine
ways and guide us. But as it is the love of Christ that has
moved you to visit us poor old men, then stay with us, if
that is why you have come. May the Good Shepherd Who laid
down His life for our salvation fill us all with the grace
of the Holy Spirit.”
After this, Zosima bowed to the abbot, asked for his prayers
and blessing, and stayed in the monastery. There he saw elders proficient
both in action and the contemplation of God, aflame in spirit, working
for the Lord. They sang incessantly, they stood in prayer all night,
work was ever in their hands and psalms on their lips. Never an
idle word was heard among them, they know nothing about acquiring
temporal goods or the cares of life. But they had one desire — to
become in body like corpses. Their constant food was the Word of
God, and they sustained their bodies on bread and water, as much
as their love for God allowed them. Seeing this, Zosima was greatly
edified and prepared for the struggle that lay before him.
Many days passed and the time drew near when all Christians fast
and prepare themselves to worship the Divine Passion and Resurrection
of Christ. The monastery gates were kept always locked and only
opened when one of the community was sent out on some errand. It
was a desert place, not only unvisited by people of the world but
even unknown to them. There was a rule in that monastery which was
the reason why God brought Zosima there. At the beginning of the
Great Fast [on Forgiveness Sunday] the priest celebrated the holy
Liturgy and all partook of the holy body and blood of Christ. After
the Liturgy they went to the refectory and would eat a little Lenten
food. Then all gathered in church and after praying earnestly with
prostrations, the elders kissed one another and asked forgiveness.
And each made a prostration to the abbot and asked his blessing
and prayers for the struggle that lay before them.
After this, the gates of the monastery were thrown open, and singing,
"The Lord is my light and my Savior; whom
shall I fear? The Lord is the defender of my life; of whom shall
I be afraid?” (Psalm 26:1) and the rest of that psalm, all
went out into the desert and crossed the River Jordan. Only one
or two brothers were left in the monastery, not to guard the property
(for there was nothing to rob), but so as not to leave the church
without Divine Service. Each took with him as much as he could or
wanted in the way of food, according to the needs of his body: one
would take a little bread, another some figs, another dates or wheat
soaked in water. And some took nothing but their own body covered
with rags and fed when nature forced them to it on the plants that
grew in the desert. After crossing the Jordan, they all scattered
far and wide in different directions. And this was the rule of life
they had, and which they all observed — neither to talk to one another,
nor to know how each one lived and fasted. If they did happen to
catch sight of one another, they went to another part of the country,
living alone and always singing to God, and at a definite time eating
a very small quantity of food.
In this way they spent the whole of the fast and used to return
to the monastery a week before the Resurrection of Christ, on Palm
Sunday. Each one returned having his own conscience as the witness
of his labour, and no one asked another how he had spent his time
in the desert. Such were rules of the monastery. Every one of them
whilst in the desert struggled with himself before the Judge of
the struggle — God — not seeking to please men and fast before the
eyes of all. For what is done for the sake of men, to win praise
and honor, is not only useless to the one who does it but sometimes
the cause of great punishment.
Father Zosima meets Saint Mary in the Desert
Zosima did the same as all. And he went far, far
into the desert with a secret hope of finding some father who might
be living there and who might be able to satisfy his thirst and
longing. And he wandered on tireless, as if hurrying on to some
definite place. He had already walked for 20 days and when the 6th
hour came he stopped and, turning to the East, he began to sing
the sixth Hour and recite the customary prayers. He used to break
his journey thus at fixed hours of the day to rest a little, to
chant psalms standing and to pray on bent knees. And as he sang
thus without turning his eyes from the heavens, he suddenly saw
to the right of the hillock on which he stood the semblance of a
human body. At first he was confused thinking he beheld a vision
of the devil, and even started with fear. But, having guarded himself
with the sign of the Cross and banished all fear, he turned his
gaze in that direction and in truth saw some form gliding southwards.
It was naked, the skin dark as if burned up by the heat of the sun;
the hair on its head was white as a fleece, and not long, falling
just below its neck. Zosima was so overjoyed at beholding a human
form that he ran after it in pursuit, but the form fled from him.
He followed. At length, when he was near enough to be heard, he
shouted:
“Why do you run from an old man and a sinner? Slave of
the True God, wait for me, whoever you are, in God's name I
tell you, for the love of God for Whose sake you are living
in the desert.”
“Forgive me for God's sake, but I cannot turn towards you and
show you my face, Abba Zosima. For I am a woman and naked,
as you see, with the uncovered shame of my body. But if you
would like to fulfill one wish of a sinful woman, throw me
your cloak so that I can cover my body and can turn to you
and ask for your blessing.”
Here terror seized Zosima, for he heard that she called him by
name. But he realized that she could not have done so without knowing
anything of him if she had not had the power of spiritual insight.
He at once did as he was asked. He took off his old, tattered cloak
and threw it to her, turning away as he did so. She picked it up
and was able to cover at least a part of her body.
A Sinful Woman
Then she turned to Zosima and said:
“Why did you wish, Abba Zosima, to see a sinful woman?
What do you wish to hear or learn from me, you who have not
shrunk from such great struggles?”
Zosima threw himself on the ground and asked for her blessing.
She likewise bowed down before him. And thus they lay on the ground
prostrate asking for each other's blessing. And one word alone could
be heard from both:
“Bless me!”
After a long while the woman said to Zosima:
“Abba Zosima, it is you who must give
blessing and pray. You are dignified by the order of
priesthood and for many years you have been standing before
the holy altar and offering the sacrifice of the Divine
Mysteries.”
This flung Zosima into even greater terror. At length with tears
he said to her:
“O mother, filled with the spirit, by your mode of life
it is evident that you live with God and have died to the
world. The Grace granted to you is apparent — for you have
called me by name and recognized that I am a priest, though
you have never seen me before. Grace is recognized not by
one's orders, but by gifts of the Spirit, so give me your
blessing for God's sake, for I need your prayers.”
Then giving way before the wish of the elder the woman said:
“Blessed is God Who cares for the salvation of men and
their souls.”
Zosima answered:
“Amen.”
And both rose to their feet. Then the woman asked the elder:
“Why have you come, man of God, to me who am so sinful?
Why do you wish to see a woman naked and devoid of every
virtue? Though I know one thing — the Grace of the Holy
Spirit has brought you to render me a service in time. Tell
me, father, how are the Christian peoples living? And the
kings? How is the Church guided?”
Zosima said:
“By your prayers, mother, Christ has granted lasting
peace to all. But fulfill the unworthy petition of an old
man and pray for the whole world and for me who am a sinner,
so that my wanderings in the desert may not be fruitless.”
She answered:
“You who are a priest, Abba Zosima, it is you who must
pray for me and for all — for this is your calling. But as
we must all be obedient, I will gladly do what you ask.”
And with these words she turned to the East, and raising her
eyes to heaven and stretching out her hands, she began to pray in
a whisper.
One could not hear separate words, so that Zosima could not understand
anything that she said in her prayers. Meanwhile he stood, according
to his own word, all in a flutter, looking at the ground without
saying a word. And he swore, calling God to witness, that when at
length he thought that her prayer was very long, he took his eyes
off the ground and saw that she was raised about a forearm's distance
from the ground and stood praying in the air. When he saw this,
even greater terror seized him and he fell on the ground weeping
and repeating may times,
“Lord have mercy.”
And whilst lying prostrate on the ground he was tempted by a
thought: Is it not a spirit and perhaps her prayer is hypocrisy.
But at the very same moment the woman turned round, raised the elder
from the ground and said:
“Thoughts, tempting you about me, trouble you, Abba,
telling you I am a spirit, and that my prayer is feigned?
Know, holy father, that I am only a sinful woman, though I
am guarded by Holy baptism. And I am no spirit but earth and
ashes, and flesh alone.”
And with these words she guarded herself with the sign of the
Cross on her forehead, eyes, mouth and breast, saying:
“May God defend us from the evil one and from his
designs, for fierce is his struggle against us.”
Hearing and seeing this, the elder fell to the ground and, embracing
her feet, he said with tears:
“I beg you, by the Name of Christ our God, Who was born of
a Virgin, for Whose sake you have stripped yourself, for Whose
sake you have exhausted your flesh, do not hide from your slave,
who you are and whence and how you came into this desert. Tell
me everything so that the marvelous works of God may become
known. A hidden wisdom and a secret treasure — what profit is
there in them? Tell me all, I implore you. For not out of vanity
or for self-display will you speak but to reveal the truth to
me, an unworthy sinner. I believe in God, for whom you live
and whom you serve. I believe that He led me into this desert
so as to show me His ways in regard to you. It is not in our
power to resist the plans of God. If it were not the will of
God that you and you r life would be known, He would not have
allowed be to see you and would not have strengthened me to
undertake this journey, one like me who never before dared to
leave his cell.”
Saint Mary describes her Sinful Life of Lust and Debauchery to Father
Zosima
Much more said Abba Zosima. But the woman raised
him and said:
“I am ashamed, Abba, to speak to you of my disgraceful
life, forgive me for God's sake! But as you have already
seen my naked body I shall likewise lay bare before you my
work, so that you may know with what shame and obscenity my
soul is filled. I was not running away out of vanity, as you
thought, for what have I to be proud of — I who was the
chosen vessel of the devil? But when I start my story you
will run from me, as from a snake, for your ears will not be
able to bear the vileness of my actions. But I shall tell
you all without hiding anything, only imploring you first of
all to pray incessantly for me, so that I may find mercy on
the day of Judgment.”
The elder wept and the woman began her story.
“My native land, holy father, was Egypt. Already during the
lifetime of my parents, when I was twelve years old, I renounced
their love and went to Alexandria. I am ashamed to recall how
there I at first ruined my maidenhood and then unrestrainedly
and insatiably gave myself up to sensuality It is more becoming
to speak of this briefly, so that you may just know my passion
and my lechery. For about seventeen years, forgive me, I lived
like that. I was like a fire of public debauch. And it was not
for the sake of gain — here I speak the pure truth. Often when
they wished to pay me, I refused the money. I acted in this
way so as to make as many men as possible to try to obtain me,
doing free of charge what gave me pleasure. Do not think that
I was rich and that was the reason why I did not take money.
I lived by begging, often by spinning flax, but I had an insatiable
desire and an irrepressible passion for lying in filth. This
was life to me. Every kind of abuse of nature I regarded as
life. That is how I lived. Then one summer I saw a large crowd
of Libyans and Egyptians running towards the sea. I asked one
of them, `Where are these men hurrying to?' He replied, `They
are all going to Jerusalem for the Exaltation of the Precious
and Life-giving Cross, which takes place in a few days.' I said
to him, `Will they take me with them if I wish to go?' `No one
will hinder you if you have money to pay for the journey and
for food.' And I said to him, `To tell you truth, I have no
money, neither have I food. But I shall go with them and shall
go aboard. And they shall feed me, whether they want to or not.
I have a body — they shall take it instead of pay for the journey.'
I was suddenly filled with a desire to go, Abba, to have more
lovers who could satisfy my passion. I told you, Abba Zosima,
not to force me to tell you of my disgrace. God is my
witness, I am afraid of defiling you and the very air with
my words.”
Zosima, weeping, replied to her:
"Speak on for God's sake, mother, speak and do not break
the thread of such an edifying tale."
And, resuming her story, she went on:
“That youth, on hearing my shameless words, laughed and went
off. While I, throwing away my spinning wheel, ran off towards
the sea in the direction which everyone seemed to be taking.
And, seeing some young men standing on the shore, about ten
or more of them, full of vigor and alert in their movements,
I decided that they would do for my purpose (it seemed that
some of them were waiting for more travelers whilst others had
gone ashore). Shamelessly, as usual, I mixed with the crowd,
saying, `Take me with you to the place you are going to; you
will not find me superfluous.' I also added a few more words
calling forth general laughter. Seeing my readiness to be shameless,
they readily took me aboard the boat. Those who were expected
came also, and we set sail at once. How shall I relate to you
what happened after this? Whose tongue can tell, whose ears
can take in all that took place on the boat during that voyage!
And to all this I frequently forced those miserable youths even
against their own will. There is no mentionable or unmentionable
depravity of which I was not their teacher. I am amazed, Abba,
how the sea stood our licentiousness, how the earth did not
open its jaws, and how it was that hell did not swallow me alive,
when I had entangled in my net so many souls. But I think God
was seeking my repentance. For He does not desire the death
of a sinner but magnanimously awaits his return to Him.
At last we arrived in Jerusalem. I spent the days before the
festival in the town, living the save kind of life, perhaps
even worse. I was not content with the youths I had seduced
at sea and who had helped be to get to Jerusalem; many others
— citizens of the town and foreigners — I also seduced. The
holy day of the Exaltation of the Cross dawned while I was still
flying about — hunting for youths. At daybreak I saw that everyone
was hurrying to the church, so I ran with the rest. When the
hour for the holy elevation approached, I was trying to make
my way in with the crowd which was struggling to get through
the church doors.”
The Force at the Doors of the Church
“I had at last squeezed through with great
difficulty almost to the entrance of the temple, from which
the life-giving Tree of the Cross was being shown to the people.
But when I trod on the doorstep which everyone passed, I was
stopped by some force which prevented by entering. Meanwhile
I was brushed aside by the crowd and found myself standing alone
in the porch. Thinking that this had happened because of my
woman's weakness, I again began to work my way into the crowd,
trying to elbow myself forward. But in vain I struggled. Again
my feet trod on the doorstep over which others were entering
the church without encountering any obstacle. I alone seemed
to remain unaccepted by the church. It was as if there was a
detachment of soldiers standing there to oppose my entrance.
Once again I was excluded by the same mighty force and again
I stood in the porch. Having repeated my attempt three or four
times, at last I felt exhausted and had no more strength to
push and to be punched, so I went aside and stood in a corner
of the porch. And only then with great difficulty it began to
dawn on me, and I began to understand the reason why I was prevented
from being admitted to see the life-giving Cross. The word of
salvation gently touched the eyes of my heart and revealed to
me that it was my unclean life which barred the entrance to
me. I began to weep and lament and beat my breast, and to sigh
from the depths of my heart.”
Mary Repents
“And so I stood weeping when I saw above me
the icon of the most holy Mother of God. Not taking my eyes
off her, I said, `O Lady, Mother of God, who gave birth in
the flesh to God the Word, I know, O how well I know, that
it is no honor or praise to thee when one so impure and
depraved as I look up to thy icon, O ever-virgin, who didst
keep thy body and soul in purity. Rightly do I inspire
hatred and disgust before thy virginal purity. But I have
heard that God Who was born of thee became man on purpose to
call sinners to repentance. Then help me, for I have no
other help. Order the entrance of the church to be opened to
me. Allow me to see the venerable Tree on which He Who was
born of thee suffered in the flesh and on which He shed His
holy Blood for the redemption of sinners an for me, unworthy
as I am. Be my faithful witness before thy son that I will
never again defile my body by the impurity of fornication,
but as soon as I have seen the Tree of the Cross I will
renounce the world and its temptations and will go wherever
thou wilt lead me.”
Thus I spoke and as if acquiring some hope in firm faith and
feeling some confidence in the mercy of the Mother of God, I
left the place where I stood praying. And I went again and mingled
with the crowd that was pushing its way into the temple. And
no one seemed to thwart me, no one hindered my entering the
church. I was possessed with trembling, and was almost in delirium.
“Having got as far as the doors which I could not reach before
— as if the same force which had hindered me cleared the way
for me — I now entered without difficulty and found myself within
the holy place. And so it was I saw the life-giving Cross. I
saw too the Mysteries of God and how the Lord accepts repentance.
Throwing myself on the ground, I worshipped that holy earth
and kissed it with trembling. Then I came out of the church
and went to her who had promised to be my security, to the place
where I had sealed my vow. And bending my knees before the Virgin
Mother of God, I addressed her with these words:
`O loving Lady, thou hast shown me thy great love for
all men. Glory to God Who receives the repentance of sinners
through thee. What more can I recollect or say, I who am
so sinful? It is time for me, O Lady to fulfil my vow, according
to thy witness. Now lead me by the hand along the path of
repentance!'
And at these words I heard a voice from on high:
`If you cross the Jordan you will find glorious rest.'
Hearing this voice and having faith that it was for me, I
cried to the Mother of God:
`O Lady, Lady, do not forsake me!'
With these words I left the porch of the church and set off
on my journey.
Three Loaves of Bread
“As I was leaving the church a stranger glanced
at me and gave me three coins, saying:
`Sister, take these.'
And, taking the money, I bought three loaves and took them
with me on my journey, as a blessed gift. I asked the person
who sold the bread:
`Which is the way to the Jordan?'
I was directed to the city gate which led that way. Running
on I passed the gates and still weeping went on my journey.
Those I met I asked the way, and after walking for the rest
of that day (I think it was nine o'clock when I saw the Cross)
I at length reached at sunset the Church of St. John the Baptist
which stood on the banks of the Jordan. After praying in the
temple, I went down to the Jordan and rinsed my face and hands
in its holy waters. I partook of the holy and life-giving Mysteries
in the Church of the Forerunner and ate half of one of my loaves.
Then, after drinking some water from Jordan, I lay down and
passed the night on the ground. In the morning I found a small
boat and crossed to the opposite bank. I again prayed to Our
Lady to lead me whither she wished. Then I found myself in this
desert and since then up to this very day I am estranged from
all, keeping away from people and running away from everyone.
And I live here clinging to my God Who saves all who turn to
Him from faintheartedness and storms."
Zosima asked her:
“How many years have gone by since you began to live
in this desert?”
She replied:
“Forty-seven years have already gone by, I think,
since I left the holy city.”
Zosima asked:
“But what food do you find?”
The woman said:
“I had two and a half loaves when I crossed the
Jordan. Soon they dried up and became hard as rock.
Eating a little I gradually finished them after a few
years.”
Zosima asked,
“Can it be that without getting ill you have lived so
many years thus, without suffering in any way from such
a complete change?”
The woman answered:
“You remind me, Zosima, of what I dare not speak of.
For when I recall all the dangers which I overcame, and
all the violent thoughts which confused me, I am again
afraid that they will take possession of me.”
Zosima said:
“Do not hide anything from me; speak to me without
concealing anything.”
Temptation in the Desert —for 17 years
She said to him:
“Believe me, Abba, seventeen years I passed in this desert
fighting wild beasts — mad desires and passions. When I
was about to partake of food, I used to begin to regret
the meat and fish of which I had so much in Egypt. I regretted
also not having wine which I loved so much, for I drank
a lot of wine when I lived in the world, while here I had
not even water. I used to burn and succumb with thirst.
The mad desire for profligate songs also entered me and
confused me greatly, edging me on to sing satanic songs
which I had learned once. But when such desires entered
me I struck myself on the breast and reminded myself of
the vow which I had made, when going into the desert. In
my thoughts I returned to the icon of the Mother of God
which had received me and to her I cried in prayer. I implored
her to chase away the thoughts to which my miserable soul
was succumbing. And after weeping for long and beating my
breast I used to see light at last which seemed to shine
on me from everywhere. And after the violent storm, lasting
calm descended.
“And how shall I tell you, O Abba, of the thoughts that
pushed me towards lust once more? A fire was kindled in
my miserable heart which seemed to burn me up completely
and to awake in me a thirst for embraces. As soon as this
craving came to me, I flung myself on the earth and watered
it with my tears, as if I saw before me my witness, who
had appeared to me in my disobedience, and who seemed to
threaten punishment for the crime. And I did not rise from
the ground (sometimes I lay thus prostrate for a day and
a night) until a calm and sweet light descended and enlightened
me and chased away the thoughts that possessed me. But always
I turned to the eyes of my mind to my Protectress,
asking her to extend help to one who was sinking fast in
the waves of the desert. And I always had her as my
Helper and the Accepter of my repentance. And thus I
lived for seventeen years amid constant dangers. And
since then even till now the Mother of God helps me in
everything and leads me as it were by the hand.”
“Not by Bread Alone”
Zosima asked:
“Can it be that you did not need food and clothing?”
She answered:
"After finishing the loaves I had, of which I spoke, for
seventeen years I have fed on herbs and all that can be found
in the desert. The clothes I had when I crossed the Jordan became
torn and worn out. I suffered greatly from the cold and greatly
from the extreme heat. At times the sun burned me up and at
other times I shivered from the frost, and frequently falling
to the ground I lay without breath and without motion. I struggled
with many afflictions and with terrible temptations. But from
that time till now the power of God in numerous ways had guarded
my sinful soul and my humble body. When I only reflect on the
evils from which Our Lord has delivered me I have imperishable
food for hope o of salvation. I am fed and clothed by the all-powerful
Word of God, the Lord of all. For it is not by bread alone that
man lives. And those who have stripped off the rags of sin have
no refuge, hiding themselves in the clefts of the rocks (Job
24; Heb. 11:38)."
Hearing that she cited words Scripture, from Moses and Job, Zosima
asked her:
“And so you have read the psalms and other books?”
She smiled at this and said to the elder:
“Believe me, I have not seen a human face ever since I
crossed the Jordan, except yours today. I have not seen a
beast or a living being ever since I came into the desert. I
never learned from books. I have never even heard anyone who
sang and read from them. But the word of God which is alive
and active, by itself teaches a man knowledge. And so this
is the end of my tale. But, as I asked you in the beginning,
so even now I implore you for the sake of the Incarnate word
of God, to pray to the Lord for me who am such a sinner.”
The Bread of Life — a Request and a Promise
Thus concluding her tale she bowed down before
him. And with tears the elder exclaimed:
“Blessed is God Who creates the great and wondrous, the
glorious and marvelous without end. Blessed is God Who has
shown me how He rewards those who fear Him. Truly, O Lord,
Thou dost not forsake those who seek Thee!”
And the woman, not allowing the elder to bow down before her,
said:
“I beg you, holy father, for the sake of Jesus Christ our
God and Savior, tell no one what you have heard, until God
delivers me of this earth. And now depart in peace and again
next year you shall see me, and I you, if God will preserve
us in His great mercy. But for God's sake, do as I ask you.
Next year during Lent do not cross the Jordan, as is your
custom in the monastery.”
Zosima was amazed to hear that she knew the rules of the monastery
and could only say:
“Glory to God Who bestows great gifts on those who love
Him.”
She continued:
“Remain, Abba, in the monastery. And even if you wish to
depart, you will not be to do so. And at sunset of the holy
day of the Last super, put some of the life-giving Body and
Blood of Christ into a holy vessel worthy to hold such
Mysteries for me, and bring it. And wait for me on the banks
of the Jordan adjoining the inhabited parts of the land, so
that I can come and partake of the life-giving Gifts. For,
since the time I communicated in the temple of the
Forerunner before crossing the Jordan even to this day I
have not approached the Holy Mysteries. And I thirst for
them with irrepressible love and longing. And therefore I
ask and implore you to grant me my wish, bring me the
life-giving Mysteries at the very hour when Our Lord made
His disciples partake of His Divine Supper. Tell John the
Abbot of the monastery where you live. Look to yourself and
to your brothers, for there is much that needs correction.
Only do not say this now, but when God guides you. Pray for
me!”
With these words she vanished in the depths of the desert. And
Zosima, falling down on his knees and bowing down to the ground
on which she had stood, sent up glory and thanks to God. And, after
wandering through the desert, he returned to the monastery on the
day all the brothers returned.
For the whole year he kept silent, not daring to tell anyone of
what he had seen. To himself he prayed God to show him again the
face that he desired. He tormented himself and worried himself to
pieces, imagining to himself how long a year is and wanting, if
possible, that the year be shortened into one single day. And when
at length the first Sunday of the Great Fast came, all went out
into the desert with the customary prayers and the singing of psalms.
Only Zosima was held back by illness — he lay in a fever. And
then he remembered what the saint had said to him: "and even if
you wish to depart, you will not be able to do so.”
Saint Mary Walks over the River Jordan
Many days passed and at last recovering from his
illness he remained in the monastery. And when attain the monks
returned and the day of the Last Supper dawned, he did as he had
been ordered. and placing some of the most pure Body and Blood into
a small chalice and putting some figs and dates and lentils soaked
in water into a small basket, he departed for the desert and reached
the banks of the Jordan and sat down to wait for the saint. He waited
for a long while and then began to doubt. Then raising his eyes
to heaven, he began to pray:
“Grant me O Lord, to behold that which Thou hast allowed
be to behold once. Do not let me depart in vain, being the
burden of my sins.”
And then another thought struck him:
“And what if she does come? There is no boat; how will
she cross the Jordan to come to me who am so unworthy?”
And as he was pondering thus he saw the holy woman appear and
stand on the other side of the river. Zosima got up rejoicing and
glorifying and thanking God. And again the thought came to him that
she could not cross the Jordan. Then he saw that she made the sign
of the Cross over the waters of the Jordan (and the night was a
moonlight one, as he related afterwards) and then she at once stepped
on to the waters and began walking across the surface towards him.
And when he wanted to prostrate himself, she cried to him while
still walking on the water:
“What are you doing, Abba, you are a priest and carrying
the divine Gifts!”
He obeyed her and on reaching the shore she said to the elder:
“Bless, father, bless me!”
He answered her trembling, for a state of confusion had overcome
him at the sight of the miracle:
“Truly God did not lie when He promised that when we
purify ourselves we shall be like Him. Glory to Thee, Christ
our God, Who has shown me through this thy slave how far
away I stand from perfection.”
Here the woman asked him to say the Creed and our Father. He
began, she finished the prayer and according to the custom of that
time gave him the kiss of peace on the lips. Having partaken of
the Holy Mysteries, she raised her hands to heaven and sighed with
tears in her eyes, exclaiming:
“Now lettest Thou Thy servant
depart in peace, O Lord, according to Thy word; for my eyes
have seen Thy salvation.”
(Luke 2.29-30)
One More Wish
Then she said to the elder:
“Forgive me, Abba, for asking you, but fulfil another
wish of mine. Go now to the monastery and let God's grace
guard you. And next year come again to the same place where
I first met you. Come for God's sake, for you shall again
see me, for such is the will of God.”
He said to her:
“From this day on I would like to follow you and always see
your holy face. But now fulfil the one and only wish of an
old man and take a little of the food I have brought for
you.”
And he showed her the basket, while she just touched the lentils
with the tips of her fingers, and taking three grains said that
the Holy Spirit guards the substance of the soul unpolluted. Then
she said:
“Pray, for God's sake pray for me and remember a
miserable wretch.”
Touching the saint's feet and asking for her prayers for the
Church, the kingdom and himself, he let her depart with tears, while
he went off sighing and sorrowful, for he could not hope to vanquish
the invincible. Meanwhile she again made the sign of the Cross over
the Jordan, and stepped on to the waters and crossed over as before.
And the elder returned filled with joy and terror, accusing himself
of not having asked the saint her name. But he decided to do so
next year.
And when another year had passed, he again went into the desert.
He reached the same spot but could see no sign of anyone.
The Death of Saint Mary
So raising his eyes to heaven as before, he prayed:
“Show me, O Lord, Thy pure treasure, which Thou hast
concealed in the desert. Show me, I pray Thee, the angel in
the flesh, of which the world is not worthy.”
Then on the opposite bank of the river, her face turned towards
the rising sun, he saw the saint lying dead. Her hands were crossed
according to custom and her face was turned to the East. Running
up he shed tears over the saint's feet and kissed them, not daring
to touch anything else. For a long time he wept. Then reciting the
appointed psalms, he said the burial prayers and thought to himself:
“Must I bury the body of a saint? Or will this be
contrary to her wishes?”
And then he saw words traced on the ground by her head:
“Abba Zosima, bury on this spot the body of humble Mary.
Return to dust that which is dust and pray to the Lord for me,
who departed in the month of Fermoutin of Egypt, called
April by the Romans, on the first day, on the very night of
our Lord's Passion, after having partaken of the Divine
Mysteries.”
Reading this the elder was glad to know the saint's name. He
understood too that as soon as she had partaken of the Divine Mysteries
on the shore of the Jordan she was at once transported to the place
where she died. The distance which Zosima had taken twenty days
to cover, Mary had evidently traversed in an hour and had at once
surrendered her soul to God.
The Lion and the Lamb
Then Zosima thought:
“It is time to do as she wished. But how am I to dig a
grave with nothing in my hands?”
And then he saw nearby a small piece of wood left by some traveler
in the desert. Picking it up he began to dig the ground. But the
earth was hard and dry and did not yield to the efforts of the elder.
He grew tired and covered with sweat. He sighed from the depths
of his soul and lifting up his eyes he saw a big lion standing close
to the saint's body and licking her feet. At the sight of the lion
he trembled with fear, especially when he called to mind Mary's
words that she had never seen wild beasts in the desert. But guarding
himself with the Sign of the Cross, the thought came to him that
the power of the one lying there would protect him and keep him
unharmed. Meanwhile the lion drew nearer to him, expressing affection
by every movement. Zosima said to the lion:
“The Great One ordered that her body was to be buried.
But I am old and have not the strength to dig the grave (for
I have no spade and it would take too long to go and get
one), so can you carry out the work with your claws? Then we
can commit to the earth the mortal temple of the saint.”
While he was still speaking the lion with his front paws began
to dig a hole deep enough to bury the body.
The Burial of Saint Mary
Again the elder washed the feet of the saint with
his tears and calling on her to pray for all, covered the body with
earth in the presence of the lion. It was as it had been, naked
and uncovered by anything but the tattered cloak which had been
given to her by Zosima and with which Mary, turning away, had managed
to cover part of her body. Then both departed. The lion went off
into the depth of the desert like a lamb, while Zosima returned
to the monastery glorifying and blessing Christ our Lord.
And on reaching the monastery he told all the brothers about everything,
and all marveled on hearing of God's miracles. And with fear and
love they kept the memory of the saint. Abbot John, as St. Mary
had previously told Abba Zosima, found a number of things wrong
in the monastery and got rid of them with God's help. And Saint
Zosima died in the same monastery, almost attaining the age of a
hundred, and passed to eternal life.
The monks kept this story without writing it down and passed it
on by word of mouth to one another. But I (adds Sophronius) as soon
as I heard it, wrote it down. Perhaps someone else, better informed,
has already written the life of the Saint, but as far as I could,
I have recorded everything, putting truth above all else. May God
Who works amazing miracles and generously bestows gifts on those
who turn to Him with faith, reward those who seek light for themselves
in this story, who hear, read and are zealous to write it, and may
He grant them the lot of blessed Mary together with all who at different
times have pleased God by their pious thoughts and labors. And let
us also give glory to God, the eternal King, that He may grant us
too His mercy in the day of judgment for the sake of Jesus Christ
our Lord, to Whom belongs all glory, honor, dominion and adoration
with the Eternal Father and the Most Holy and Life-giving Spirit,
now and always, and through all ages. Amen.
The End and Glory Be to God
________________________________________
Troparion, tone 8
In thee, O Mother, was exactly preserved what was according to
the divine image. For thou didst take the cross and follow Christ,
and by thy life, didst teach us to ignore the flesh, since it is
transitory, but to care for the soul as an immortal thing. Therefore,
thy spirit, St. Mary, rejoices with the Angels.
Kontakion, tone 4
Having escaped the fog of sin, and having
illumined thy heart with the light of penitence, O glorious one,
thou didst come to Christ and didst offer to Him His immaculate
and holy Mother as a merciful intercessor. Hence thou hast found
remission of transgressions, and with the Angels thou dost ever
rejoice.
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